“You know the Drill” by Diana Thoren When we last left Dr. Alan Feinstone, played by my good friend Corbin Bernsen, he was locked up in a padded cell practicing his warped brand of dentistry on imaginary patients. Now we find him trying to convince his therapist that he’s cured and doesn’t even know the “monster” that performed all the horrible acts in the first movie. (That would be director Brian Yuzna…) Dr. Feinstone fails to convince his therapist, so he makes his escape and goes on the lam. I would mention that he kidnaps the therapist and steals her car and then abandons them both, but since that plot line goes nowhere and is only addressed by way of narration, I won’t. Dr. Feinstone flees to Paradise, Missouri. He goes to the bank where he keeps a safe deposit box containing piles of cash and documents that establish him as “Dr. Lawrence Caine.” I’m not sure we’re really clear on why he has this box, but whatever. For some reason the bank manager is thrilled to see him, and offers him a place to stay in the cottage behind his niece’s house. Meanwhile, Dr. Feinstone’s wife from the first movie remains alive, and she’s decided she needs to find his ass. So she hires a detective sporting the worst fake moustache outside of a Beastie Boys video that I have ever seen. This is also not addressed. He sets off after Dr. Feinstone to find out where he’s hiding. Back in Paradise, “Dr. Caine” goes to dinner with the niece and loses a cap on one of his teeth. When he loses this cap, someone from the F/X department sticks a glob of black putty on his front tooth to simulate a gap. I’m not making this up. The glob of putty is so fucking obvious that the only answer is that they were hoping CGI would be invented before they finished filming so they could fix it in post. Later he loses the cap again, and when he pretends to put the cap back on, my good friend Corbin Bernsen literally scratches the putty off with his finger and moves his hand away so it looks like he’s replaced the cap. I am not making this up. Repeat: I am not making this up. Dr. Caine eventually gets his practice up and running again, and begins to fall in love with the niece. She has a studly friend that’s in love with her, causing Dr. Caine to have porny flashbacks to what his wife was doing with the pool boy in the first movie. But the major killing doesn’t start until an hour and ten minutes in. Up to that point it’s way more soapy than the first one, and mostly just like spending a week in Missouri with these wholesome rubes. Having said that, I think this is a rare case where the sequel is better than the original. My good friend Corbin Bernsen is really into his character, and he plays Feinstone/Caine hammier and angrier than in the first one. In addition, the lighting is darker and more dramatic, and Mr. Yuzna has used the cockeyed camera angles more sparingly, making the whole film easier to get into. There are fewer giant rubbery mouth props, more straight gore, and the final scene is terrific. And the first movie didn’t have Clint “Eaglebauer” Motherfuckin’ Howard in it! Eaglebauer doesn’t last long, but he’s a real treat while he’s on screen. Also he’s billed rather high for a dude that only shows up for three minutes, so I think they were counting on his “star power,” as it were, to draw us in. I found out recently that my disease has a name: I am a Movie Masochist. Big thanks to Last Chance Lance at Rue Morgue magazine for introducing me to that term. It explains why I continually watch shit like this. For any other Movie Masochists that may be reading this, “Dentist 2” is worth your time. Because, as my good friend Corbin Bernsen says, “I’m the best damn dentist there ever was!” I just hope he’s not so good that they make another one of these turds. Cuz you know I’m gonna watch it. I can’t help it. Read Diana's review of THE DENTIST
And/Or go Home
|
