Welcome everyone, and thanks for tuning in. You're in for an incredible match-up tonight! It's John Rambo vs Dee Snider, and let me assure you there is no love lost between these titans. As a special bonus tonight, we have guest referee Masaharu Morimoto of Iron Chef fame.Rambo seems to have brought his rifle and bandolier into the ring, but it looks like Referee Morimoto is going to go ahead and allow that.

So without further ado, let's get it on!

There's the opening bell. And these two are wasting NO time - they're already at it!

Look at the intensity on the faces of Rambo and Dee Snider. Dee Snider has gone into a handspring, and.....

...has locked his ankles around the neck of Rambo!! Now he's flipped Rambo into the ropes!

Dee is on fire tonight, ladies and gentlemen. And he's just getting warmed up! Dee has dragged Rambo off the ropes and has him pinned to the mat. Now Dee is -- oh my god....

DEE SNIDER HAS TORN OFF THE LEG OF RAMBO.

But what's this? With a last gasping breath, Rambo is reaching out to make a tag...

This isn't a tag team match! Who could he be trying to tag? No -- it can't be....

IT'S TUPAC SHAKUR!! Dee doesn't look happy about this development at all. Tupac leaps into the ring...

...and he is working the right eye of Dee Snider with his Glock. It looks like Referee Morimoto is going to go ahead and allow that.

Dee Snider quickly regains control, leaping onto Tupac Shakur and...

...Dee is now beating Tupac with the severed leg of the late John Rambo! What a spectacle we are witnessing here tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Dee Snider has now tossed the severed leg of Rambo into the crowd, and some lucky fan has a one-of-a-kind souvenir!

Dee is indicating that he tossed the leg because he needed both hands for something... what is he up to now, I wonder? It's OH MY GOD NO....

DEE SNIDER HAS TORN OFF THE HEAD OF TUPAC SHAKUR. He's waving it around like a trophy, and I don't think there's any doubt that he has won this match tonight, folks. Dee Snider has totally dominated this match from start to finish.

Referee Morimoto has the official count, 1-2-3, there's the bell, and Dee Snider is the champion!

That's our show, folks! We'd like to thank all our sponsors, and special thanks to Masaharu Morimoto for standing in as guest referee for tonight's match.

Thanks for watching, and be sure to tune in next time!

All knit dolls based on Knit.1 Spring/Summer pattern for robot keychains. Morimoto is the last remnant of a once-proud Iron Chef t-shirt.